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Sunday, September 21, 2008

5 Ways That Unfaithful Men Get Caught

Men in high profile positions, such as governors, presidents, and senators, get discovered cheating on their wives in very dramatic ways. These men get outed by the media or during a special prosecutor's investigation. Most men, however, get caught by much more mundane reasons. Most men get caught because they contract a disease. If you cheat, here is how you will get caught.
  1. Herpes: condoms don't always protect against herpes. As one can imagine, this might be difficult to explain to your wife. A herpes infection is forever.
  2. Warts: see herpes, but in honesty it is possible, though not probable, that an HPV infection can remain dormant for 20 years. So tell her you must have contracted it from the last woman you dated, 20 years ago.
  3. Gonorrhea/Chlamydia: men have an encounter, then develop symptoms of pain and discharge and come in for evaluation. The problem is that in the interim between the sexual encounter and the medical treatment, the man had sex with his wife.
  4. Abnormal pap smear: of course men don't get pap smears, but our wives do. Typically a wife with 20 years of normal pap smears will have an "abnormal one" and the man will come into my office, look very sheepish, close my door, then spill the beans.
  5. Fractured penis: yes, that right,fractured penis. Usually the man is on a business trip, has vigorous sex with a woman and oops, the penis pops out of the vagina, then gets thrust upon her pubic bone. It then bends when it is erect and snaps. This is a medical emergency and I suppose it could be difficult to explain the penile bandage to your wife when you return home.
So be forewarned and keep your pants zipped.